The phrase "patriarchal terrorism" is used by sociologist Michael P. Johnson as a way to conceputalize the violence by male figures in some families. Growing up, my best friend, lets call her Jane, was abused by her father on a daily basis. Being nine, I did not quite understand what the bruises and burn marks meant. As I got older, our famlilies (being military families) grew apart and about six months ago, I got a chilling call from my mom. My best friends mother was in the hospital from a deadly beating that she got from her husband. Even to this day, I do not understand how she stayed for those ten years in a relationship that was completely belittling and physically harmful to both her and her children. While reading Chapter 11: Interpersonal Gender Violence, my complete relationship with Jane and the rest of her family came to mind. The patriarchal terrorism that played out in that family relied heavily on the general idea that you are not suposed to interfere with other people's households. While thinking about why Jane's mother did not leave, I read that minimally, 50% of women in an abusive household leave. The reasons why are definitely hard to pinpoint. But I think the fact that affordable housing today is so hard to find, especially for women, domestic violence (if the woman decides to leave) becomes a cause for homelessness for women, could play a part. I think that if we really wanted domestic violence, and the patriarchal terrorism to end, then we would help those women who put themselves out because they are in danger. After reading this chapter, I went to the The Penguin Atlas of Women in the World and looked at the chapters on Domestic Violence and looked at the figures for the United States. 23 women a week are killed by intimates. Thinking of Jane's mom, and how lucky she is to be alive, of all women murdered between 1976 and 2005, 43% were by an intimate. 22%-35% of women who visit a hopsital Emergency Room do so because of domestic violence. Sometimes the enemy is not overseas hiding in a cave, but rather in your best friends bedroom, beating her until she is black and blue. The whole world turning a blind eye, because what happens in a family is a personal matter, and you just do not intrude on the lives of others.
2 comments:
This is a really tough issue, because it’s hard to know how you can help and sometimes you can make the situation worse for them. A lot of the time its first instinct for friends to fight back and go confront the abusive spouse, but this often causes even more anger and abuse directed towards the victim. And on top of that, unless the victim has come to terms with the fact that how they are being treated is wrong, they will defend their spouse and blame themselves. I guess all you really can do is offer your support and let them know they have options even when they don’t want to hear it.
Your story was very touching; I wouldn't quite know how to react were I in the same situation, but it just attests to how many people abuse can affect. With how common domestic abuse is in American society, it's a wonder why we don't invest more in protecting these battered women and help them to leave their abusive relationships. We should invest more in creating shelters with job retraining programs. If we make the tools available so these women can make it on their own, then I think these women will feel more inspired to leave these detrimental relationships.
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